My Heart In Pieces
by mercscilla
Summary: They've become each other new center of gravity and don't even realize it. For two people who are usually quite perceptive, they are blind to what's happening between them. But Tex sees it, he's been there and he's not blind at all.


**A/N:** This is set between 1x09 and 1x10 and told from Tex's POV but it's Tom/Rachel all the way. Poor Tex finally has to face the truth.  
**Disclaimer:** I own neither the show nor the characters. I don't earn any money with this piece. I just do it for fun.

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Dawn is already lurking on the horizon but Tex is still wide awake, his mind and body still trying to find their balance. Battling three days and nights for your life does that to a person. Dr. Scott said they would feel a little restless for a while but in time that feeling would fade too.

Speaking of the lovely doctor. The main reason why he's out here is leaning against the bulwark, eyes closed and a serene expression on her face, and Tex finds himself smiling involuntarily. For the first time since he met her, Rachel looks happy and relaxed, and it's a look that suits her even better than her fierce and passionate side.

Running a hand through his hair, he takes one step forward but then comes to an abrupt stop as another person beats him to it. The smile falls from his lips, his heart clenching in his chest, as he slowly melts back into the shadows and watches Chandler walking towards Rachel, carrying two steaming cups.

She turns as the captain approaches and her lips twitch slightly as she catches sight of the cups.

"What? Not champagne?"

"Why break tradition?" Chandler's mouth quirks at the corner as he hands her one cup. "Unfortunately, I can only offer Earl Grey."

"You can never go wrong with Earl Grey," Rachel says, and her smile this time is dazzling. There's a long-forgotten warmth unfolding in his chest, and Tex can't look away from her. He's not the only one, the captain's watching her too, never taking his eyes off Rachel either.

Tex should have known it. Kara might have been right, he's gotten under Rachel's skin, but not any further. She is drawn to the captain, just as Chandler is drawn to her. They've become each other new center of gravity and don't even realize it. For two people who are usually quite perceptive, they are blind to what's happening between them.

But Tex sees it, he's been there and he's not blind at all. From the sidelines, he's watched as they went from standing on opposite sides and heated arguments to sharing the burden of leadership and quiet conversations. Like now.

"You should get some rest," Chandler suggests, but Rachel shakes her head.

"I can't, not yet at least. There's still so much to do..." Her voice trails off, hard lines appearing around her mouth, and she stares into her cup.

"You're afraid there won't be any CDC to return to," the Captain states quietly. "That's why you're still working day and night."

There's a moment of hesitation before Rachel lifts her head. "Yes," she admits eventually. "I don't have the equipment for mass-producing the cure. Only a lab—"

"Then we will build you one," Chandler interrupts her. "If there's no CDC, we will get you whatever you need to produce the cure here on the ship."

For a second, Rachel just stares at him, but then she shakes her head determinedly. "No, _no_. I can't—I won't ask that of you and your crew. Not again."

Abruptly, Chandler sets down his cup before removing hers from her hand and placing it next to his. "You once told me you thought we're in this together," he says, his voice low, quiet. "And you're right. _We are._"

Rachel doesn't say anything for a long moment, an array of emotions crossing her face, but then she briefly closes her eyes and nods slowly.

She misses the flicker of relief behind Chandler's eyes, but Tex doesn't and he realizes the captain had been afraid she might insist on going alone, hadn't been sure whether he could convince her to stay.

It reminds Tex of the time after the lockdown and Rachel's look of defeat and hurt when she believed to have lost the captain's trust for good. His own words, _you're gonna figure it out_, failed to reassure her, and it had been only Chandler's promise to move heaven and earth to get her whatever she needed that brought back the light to her eyes.

Captain Chandler, her hero, because no one can compete with the offer to bring her a Bengal tiger should she ever ask for one.

Tex scoffs. He still had tried though, had thought if he was to bring Beatrice to Rachel she would finally see _him_, but it all went south rather spectacularly, and in the end he'd been again just a bystander, had to watch her kiss Chandler as if her life depended on it.

The irony of it is that it _had been_ to save not only her life but their lives as well, and Tex has no right to feel jealous. That doesn't mean it didn't feel like a punch to the gut.

Neither acknowledged the kiss afterwards but the change was plain to see, from the moment they found Rachel in Ruskov's lap and she let no one else but Chandler take the gun from her to the way Chandler never let Rachel out of his sight or reach and finally to the one moment that felt like icy cold shards stabbing into Tex's heart.

They thought their five patients were sleeping but he'd been wide awake, watched through half-closed eyes as the woman he'd told, _you make me want to love again,_ was pulled into a hug by the man he respects and admires and would follow to the gates of hell.

Tex doesn't even know how long they stood there, clinging to each other, Chandler's face buried in Rachel's hair and his arms wrapped tightly around her, her own hands pressing against the captain's back, holding him as close as possible, but he never looked away, not once.

Just as he's not looking away now, and it makes him wonder if he's not a glutton for heartbreak.

Rachel's staring out over the seas, her fingers fiddling with her sweater, a slight tension in her jaw, and doesn't notice the way Chandler's studying her, focused and strangely intense.

"Hey," he finally says, and she shifts, turning her head to look at him. "We will find a way. _You_ will find a way because I know you and I know you will never stop trying." He steps closer and lowers his head towards her, holding her gaze. "And I'll risk everything for you and get you whatever you need to succeed."

Even from the distance, Tex can hear Rachel inhaling sharply, her eyes wide and dark, and it becomes painfully clear to him that there's a story behind the captain's words, one that's only between these two and that he will never get to know.

"Thank you," she whispers, gratitude and something else shining in her eyes, and rests her hand on the captain's forearm, squeezing lightly, before drawing it back but Chandler reaches out at the last moment, stilling her movement.

Rachel's breath catches in her throat, and something twists inside Tex as Chandler's other hand drifts slowly upwards, so slowly she could move away if she wanted to but she doesn't, and his fingers touch her cheek, brushing a strand of dark hair away from her eyes and behind her ear.

Tension winds around and between them, and Tex clenches his fists as a hollow feeling rises in his chest because he knows where this is going, and yet, he's not averting his eyes.

Chandler gently cups Rachel's cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of her mouth, and then he's leaning down, pressing his lips to hers. He slides his fingers over the nape of her neck, pressing down lightly, and a shiver runs through Rachel, her hand going to his shoulder as her body melts into his.

It's a soft kiss, slow and tender, like they have all the time in the world, and packed with emotions Tex can't (won't) define.

It's time to accept the truth and stop before he makes a fool of himself, Tex thinks with a heavy heart. It hurts but he'll get over it, because above all else he wants them to be happy, and if it's with each other, he won't stand against it.

With one last look at the entwined couple, Tex turns and walks away.

- END -

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I'd like to thank all those wonderful readers and reviewers on AO3, and Tumblr who fav'ed, left kudos and comments on You Pull Me In. I never expected such great response to it and it convinced me to continue it as a multi-chapter story. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! :D


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